To Blog Or Not To Blog
Posted by Nathandral Neil on
That is the question, which leads to an answer, as Shakespeare once said, “Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”
The days seemed to mesh together, but here I am in the midst of time, death taunting me from every corner with whispers of unrelenting actions. The realization that life is precious and can vanish was my motivation to thrive. I felt trapped within the comfort of a depleting lifestyle. The long-term goals felt out of reach, the short term goals were infinitely demanding more attention. I felt lost until I listened to the daily signs. Maybe I was being brainwashed, possibly an Energy was looking after me, but the reality was made up within my mind.
Escape to thrive or stay and exist.
There is something about me that’s unusual, practically normal at first glance, but sometimes it became unbearably noticeable. My insanity was interfering with my social interactions. I failed at even contemplating what I could be good for in life. I’m desperately searching for an answer to where I belong. The present moment is not enough. I would think so much that I could practically perceive the future. Think positively and positive things will happen.
Searching deep within myself, I had to ask, “What makes you happy?”
The few things that increased my dopamine were not very gratifying. I needed an outlet that had infinite possibilities. As an introvert, I’m struggling to connect with the world. Everyone has told me I am gifted, talented, smart, handsome, and tall. But it never fills the void of confidence that succumbs me by nature.
Every day brought on a vision, screaming if I follow it, I will find out why I exist. For every action that has created a ripple in time, I was left to ride the waves. Life feels predetermined. These visions haven’t stopped since I was a kid. When I finally got my first taste of the island…. I knew I would be back and not just for a honeymoon.
A drastic change feels needed.
The energy pulls me strong and the second it fades, a depression settles. This idea of happiness, where the grass is greener on the other side, was settling on my heart like a burning stone. The only way to lift this ember is to wash it in the warm waters of the Pacific Ocean.
While struggling to find a job with a growing opportunity, I stumbled upon job advertisements on a website called Craigslist. Deciphering through the trolls and weirdos, I felt confident in my ability to find a job involving art and water. Low and behold, a scuba and surf company contacted me. Thinking about this opportunity, I searched for the nearest art gallery, there were 13 of them within a mile radius. It felt like a place I could belong to.
The day I decided I would buy the flight ticket, was the day I attempted to request a duplicate pink slip to my 2005 Dodge Magnum. This is one beautiful, worthless piece of crap. Don’t get me wrong, I love her to death, but I was not very good at maintaining her shine. Either way, she belonged to another man, quite literally. My father lost the pink slip, so in requesting a duplicate, the previous owner never filled some important paperwork, which denied my request for a pink slip. Not only that, the car’s battery died, which lead to me failing the smog check which would determine active registration. I’ve been told to drive the car for 300 miles. In order to sell my car, it feels like a mountain of paperwork and weeks of exchanging information between the DMV, that I’ll never see my dreams come true. Okay maybe I’m overly dramatic, but I have a month until the job opportunity starts. I was literally about to get the pink slip printed out, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and the lady mentioned this random issue which had me driving between the DMV and a Credit union 5 times. No joke, no one knew what to do, each company just sent me to the other one, telling me it’s not their issue.
Anyways, thanks for reading my rant of the day.